The Bestest Labor Day Weekend ⋆｡˚ 𓆝⋆｡˚

[Post Written on Labor Day Weekend 2026]

So, not long ago I was looking into daily makeup and how it could be adapted for my comfort. TBH, since the burnout stage I reached a few months back, I've relaxed in some ways. I very much still interested in gyaru, but I wanted to capture the cool and sexy vibe while being true to my energy level. This weekend I had the chance to try something different for my Rosarito trip. I wanted to use DIY lash extensions, regular contacts, and some cute gloss. 

Lately I’ve been watching here and there Izumi Maya’s social media and her YT channel. She has always been top inspo for me, since she can pull sexy and boyish looks <3 Then I was browsing some NUTS insta photos, and I wanted to pinpoint the exact name of the style. Turns out I’m dumb, and Ane-gyaru had totally evolved without me realizing it. Due to my alternative, tattoo-loving nature, I think this style is a smart and natural choice for an almost 34 y/o me. Also, do not argue with me about AV gyaru; I know her past, and her makeup now is way different than 10 years ago.

I tried something:

Teal sparkly eyeshadow, cuz it was a wild beach episode.

Golden-pearled marked tear-bags

Spiky DIY extension lashes 

Closed-up brown tide-line that barely opens up towards the outside corner

Overlined lips with glossy finish. 

Lightened eyebrows lined with a light pencil, but kept small.

This was my day look, but after a few beers and delicious lobster tails, I went back for a nap. 

You know your summer was lit when the seafood restaurant waiters remember you by name. 

My outfit was literally my fave skirt turned into a strapless dress, lol.

Then, after freshening up, I gave up on the contacts and kept my glasses. Lately, I’ve noticed that being a glasses wearer is not looked down upon, nor does it remove your appeal (obviously I never thought this, but back in my day people looked at it as uncool). I will try my best to be confident and do full glam with glasses on. 

We went to a club with open bar to drink, dance and to help a friend have a good time in Mexico!

He decided it was too much, so he went back around 12. Jeff and I stayed back until like 3 AM to get our money's worth. 

The music was good, but it seems like the DJ’s repertoire was quite limited, because he kept repeating the same songs a couple of times. I think we were too drunk to be bored, but I did notice, haha. 

Then the next day we decided to kick it by the beach. We found this pretty cool restaurant that had azulitos and tostilocos. We, of course, drank and ate a couple of things. 

We came back home and died a little because of the heat wave.~

That's it!

Okay bye!

Body Image and Slow Life

Hi, I'm here with some thoughts and reflections I've had lately. Writing this while my butt and legs are sore AF. I do that, manage to reach the gym, feel pain the next day, and don't come back until I can move again. So the problem is I have to learn how to stretch correctly.

(Note: this was written at the start of my burnout recovery over a month ago) 

I honestly have always been obsessed with my body image, and at the same time, this has been so debilitating that I am left with no energy to do something about it. Years of therapy later, I can say that I do find myself worthy of existing even in a bigger body. I now know that living with a disability such as autism leads me to pathways and cycles. I am yet to understand a way in which I can thrive and be 100% healthy. The truth is, I also struggle with PMOS (formerly known as PCOS), and autistics tend to also develop gut issues such as IBS due to many reasons. 

Yes, I was assigned a more difficult mode than others, and I take responsibility for what I asked for. Sadly enough, my stims are food-related... I also have a lot of food noise; I crave salty and spicy foods all the time. I take accountability and research until something clicks for me to improve my condition.

The good news is that now that I'm aware, I try my best to make better decisions (which are difficult, but not impossible). Blood work, listening to my body, getting professional opinions, avoiding distractions, etc. Those are things that I have been doing for the past year or so. Progress is rarely linear, and to be honest it should be measured by me and the systems I am working to set up for my future self. 

Another thing that has helped me is removing all kinds of external judgements, the ones that are implied. Did you know that we weren't meant to see that many pretty and objectively beautiful/fit people? That's how unreasonable ideals are formed. It did not matter how much I curated my feed; it always went back to who was the skinniest, who had the best bone structure. It always encouraged self-surveillance and created a new, oddly specific insecurity. I refuse to keep being a part of that system, which has not allowed me to progress and become my best self. It is good to have role models, but we have to look to our sides, not necessarily up or down. 

Gyaru has always been a double-edged sword for me. On one hand, we have the values of being yourself, self-expression, and curating your personal style. At the same time, when you are gathering inspo, you unconsciously idolize girls who are from a whole different ethnicity, bone structure, and lifestyle than what you are accustomed to or born with. I am not saying their ways are wrong, or that mine are right; it is just quite different. Then we add the layer of policing and gatekeeping that the gaijin community has been curating for almost 2 decades now. Wherever I turn, there are rules, there are standards, something or someone is telling you that what you are is not enough. Sometimes it's verbally stated; you get posted on Lolcow or whatever variation of the sort. Hypocrisy, that's what we try to ignore and sweep under the rug. This does not only apply to me and how fat, tall, or big I am. It can be extended to ableism, ageism, racism, colorism, etc. We are never enough. 

Call me a fat-cow-crybaby, but after trying my best to keep up with SNS, content creation, and being part of the online community, I feel exhausted. I, of course, love gyaru; I am a gyaru; I will always default and gravitate towards gyaru. I love makeup, and how good I am at it. It's just that whatever I was doing was not working. 

I just wrote this to connect with myself, and more than a rant, I wanted to let you know that it's time to wake up! Do things for you, reduce the noise, be a good neighbor.

Work Field Trip and Udon

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Today we had a market research session at the mall for work. So I wore what I could find right away. I did my makeup at the office, and we headed out. 

The coordinate was made with Alta, because I did not take a photo of it.

IDK why I always make the same "tsss" face... it must be the autism.

I tested so many skincare products, and my hands feel so smooth. I'm not supposed to buy anything, but going to Sephora reminded me of a small wishlist I have. I really want the Glossier body Spritz- Sandstone Cyprés to be exact. It’s my fave smell of all time, wish I could bathe in it. I also want a new YSL lip glaze, since mine is completely gone! It’s seriously my fave glossy lip product ever! 

There are also so many cute, cool pink and purple-like blushes out there! But I have the Huda blush palette at my disposal, so I've been using 2 of their colorways.

Seeing what’s good on the market made me realize my humble 30-50 USD routine has nothing on some of the creams I saw.  Some creams were like 500 USD each. 

After getting side-eyes from the sales ladies, we headed out for lunch.

That udon place is seriously so good. My pants became a few inches too small. I know noodles will do that to me, but who am I to say no to the pumpkin and sweet potato tempura?!

Earlier that morning, we also had some milk tea. The place is called Heytea, and it’s super cute! Also, they use such nice ingredients that I could taste the quality in the jasmine tea base. I had a guava and jasmine milk tea with a really delicious foam.

I also got some snacks for my love, who is a little sick at home. I got him some cheese danish and a chocopan. I can seriously smell it through the bag while I'm typing this.

I need to wrap it up. That is it for today!

A Digital Garden of my Own

 Have you heard of digital gardens? A digital copy of your notes and a collection of your personal interests. It's like a cloud version of all the tabs you have open in your brain.

What if we sent off a message in a bottle? But the message is a link to my brain?

For this, I had to call upon my 13-year-old self, the one who created a cute page for her Neopet. I'm a highly unorganized human being, so I have to first clarify the purpose of this website. What do I want it to be? What sections do I want you to see as soon as you enter? What is the site map gonna be like? I'll dumb it down for myself, hehe.

 

First things first, let's establish the purpose: I want a collection of the things I'm obsessed with. Wishlists, movies to watch, gifs collected from the internet, shrines, and odes to my parasocial relationships.

Now, where to build it. A physical journal is obviously a good place to start, but making one online is a more proactive tool. There are places such as Sublime, or it can be made privately in the comfort of your own Notion account. Neocities is the way to go if you're into a fully customizable experience. Also, if you like to dissect readymade templates and degut them to your liking, this is the thing for you. Pretending to be a hacker is pretty cool.

Then the site map will look something like this:

On the landing page: profile, current update/log, my top 3 songs of the month, quick to-dos, and a chat box. A footer that showcases my latest art.

Nav bar: blog / zines / art / wishlist / media

Where do I stand? I have a rusty memory of how to CSS and HTML. I also want to learn how to use JavaScript, because I never got that far. As for aesthetics, I want a hyperfemme space, because that's how I I present myself.

But before I give my 12-year-old computer an aneurysm by opening an extremely loud and flashy page, we have to slow down and start with the basics.

That's it for now. I have so many tasks to do regarding this blog too. 

Tasks:

Start with Neocities

Create a Banner for the blog

Design look for Neocities

Comment blogs

Clean my house

Clean my car

Autistic Getting Run Over by the Hype Train

Hello!

I'm an individual who got caught in the attempt of being someone on the internet. I noticed that some shit is not meant for me, or that at least not in the way it is pushed and fed to us. So many rules, and they keep changing. So I've turned to my most authentic self, to my roots that I always fall back on. Blogging. 

So many things happened, of course, life never stops, and this place got preserved with so many cute and hopeful memories from ages ago. A lifetime ago.

Truth is, I got addicted to talking to AI, and I reached the point where I noticed it's all slop. Even using it for organizational skills, it will never be the same as my own trial and error. I feel like I became stupid or something, haha. So, as an attempt to unbrainrotting my guts, here I am. The slow-web life is for me. 

Since I'm back to exploring myself and recognizing who I truly am, let's yap a little bit. These are things I currently notice:

• I have gyaru to thank for regaining my physical confidence; it does give me a boost. I feel like my level of makeup technical skill has been conquered. Of course, there's room for exploration, and I truly want to curate a personal style that makes me feel like "me". However, I fell into the "I want to be a content creator" spiral. This made an internal competition with this invisible standard. I am too fat, too tall, too curvy, too broke for any brand.
• Additionally, I cannot for the life of me wear a freaking wig. So I tend to feel like an incomplete gyaru, and as kids now call it, a "LARPer". Good news is, I have found an IRL community that will help me take my style offline and actually enjoy it like it's meant to be enjoyed. 
  
  
• When I need to mask and navigate the world with a sense of belonging into the self-obsessed sexual rituals of our neurotypical society.... I've fallen into listening to dirty AF reggaeton. Mexican and Chilean Reggaeton, to be exact. So now I'm a neoperreo hardcode fan, because it's also campy and queer. More on my new idols later.
  
  
• I wanna meet my bliss point again. I wanna feel that flow state, which I have not had in many months. So many excuses. I feel at home when I can write, draw, and code without interruption. So we are here, and we are also going to attempt to code and design a cute Neocities website. Do not quote me on the latter. 
  
  
• I need a new perspective on how I interact with social media. I often forget that social media was meant to be social... not to put yourself as an empty mascot and expect to be adored. Yes, growing on TikTok and Instagram has shown me that I fall into the trap of wanting to make a name for myself. So I often get envious of girlies who post just their cute faces and likes pour in the thousands. Again, not trying to say these people don't bring value, but a part of me feels like I'm not good enough. However, we have to acknowledge that I have not been as constant as some people have been. I have to understand that this is no longer sustainable for me, and that I should focus on creating shit I truly love, and the people who also love that shit will come in. I have this infinite desire for community, but then I get blindsided and greedy AF. Turns out I do have an ego, hahahaha.
  
  
  My biggest takeaway is that I am not a product; I am not meant to be consumed. I'm just another autistic human trying to not get run over by the ever-changing hype train. 

Anyways, I'm back here, and I will take my sweet time reading y'all's blogs too. I cannot expect people to care and be my community if I don't also go and support. 

A Pretty Honest What's in my bag

Just a note with thoughts of mine:

We love to curate our lives to the max. It has always been the case since we realized that monetizing ourselves was the true way of making a living. Somehow it's rare to find a person using social media who wouldn't wish to be an influencer of some sort. Lately this kinds of thoughts come and go in my already noisy brain. I struggle with keeping my calm, I should be living this life worry free. 

Funny enough, my family, my partner and even my best friends keep a good distance from social media. They live their lives everyday, no extra worries. However, why do I crave the connection that engament on Instagram provides? Why do I have so much hunger for being noticed? 

I know a lot of times people comment om this being symptoms of low self-esteem... Then, aren't we collectively seeking for approval? All of this doesn't have a definite answer, just things that I question lately. I enjoy the connection I get when on Twitch, I love long conversations about life and my friends and followers provide that for me. However, when it comes to what attracts the most starts by a curated image. An important question. Who am I? Because to be honest, I'm a fucking messy person, probably too clumsy and naturally lame. I'm too lame to also be relatable. 

I like to rant and vent, right? LOL my closests ones know I'm actually pretty cool and fun. I know I'm cool (lol), just not to everyone's eyes I guess?

This is me trying to stay organized, but tbh this is like 10% of my reality. I was going to lie, but this was after I cleaned and decided to add it to my Saturday blog. 

Can you see it? My brain: you need to keep everything... what if you need it? OMG THERE IT WAS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TOTEBAG!

I clean often, but my truth is chaos. Life is meant to be messy, or so I've come to understand.

A small portion of my desk. Why do I have so many things to distract me from the real tasks? LOL.

I like to disect and analyze everything, lol. I just wonder how can I transform and adapt to a more princess-like lifestyle? I'm a real woman, with real problems and struggles. 

This is not a critique to anyone but myself? I'm coming clean to myself. Can I be kawaii and a fucking mess at the same time?( ´ ▿ ` ) We'll find out, I won't stop trying. Just need 10+ years than everyone else. 

Anyways~

Xoxo-

Kiwiitan